Stories

Paramedics have stories. If you've been in this field for any length of time, you've got stories. Some are funny. Some are sad. Some just bizarre. And of course we love to tell them. A lot of the stories the average person would find offensive. We can laugh at the tragedy of others. It's not that we are laughing at them but using the humour as a defense for us. Think of the cancer patient that makes jokes about their terminal illness. They might use it as a means of diffusing the reality of the situation. Same for me. The humour seems to put a distance between me and the situation.

For example, I pick up off the ground the head of someone that has just jumped in front of a subway. I or someone else may make a joke about them losing their head. We laugh. If you were standing there watching this you would be horrified at our behaviour (actually you probably are just reading this), and rightly so. For you this is probably one of the most tragic/horrific events you will witness in your life. For me this just another day at work. If I considered how this person got to the point where the best option for them was to jump in front of a subway, it would eat away at me. I would think about the people left behind and how this event will affect them. Their children. Their parents. Their partner/spouse. All the pressures that lead to this; debts, mental illness, alcohol. This may not have been the only death I've had to deal with that day. Then there are the people that will go through life altering events. A debilitating stroke. A critical traumatic injury. There are the alcoholics that have their young children running their lives for them because they are incapable. And so it goes through my day. Black humour helps take the edge off. Then I can go home, hug the kids and try and live a normal life.

But enough of that downer. As I mentioned at the beginning some of the stories are bizarre. If you've made it this far you deserve one. Warning first, it may not be appropriate for all readers. This call didn't happen to me but one night a crew was recounting this story as we sat around a hospital chatting. They pick up a man that had inserted a dildo into his rectum. Ok, this is a large city, that kind of thing happens. I guess occasionally due to enthusiasm it goes too far as they say and it gets stuck. Fine, be a man, admit it. Yes people will laugh behind your back (when removing said object) but you are not the first to find himself in this predicament. His cover story was that he was only using the dildo to insert a suppository and ended up pushing it too far. Fair enough, try it to protect your dignity and see if people buy it. The best part was that the crew telling the story did buy it. When they had finished you could see by everyone else's face that they didn't and of course we had great fun at that crew's expense.

The one thing I have learned over the years is just when you think you've seen it all, something comes along to prove you wrong.